While courting my husband, one of the things we discussed at length is the denomination we would attend and have as our family church after marriage.
As a bachelor, he attended and was a worker in a particular Pentecostal denomination in Enugu. While I attended and was a worker in another Pentecostal denomination in Lagos. Though we both agreed that we would wed in his church, we left the decision of the particular denomination and specific branch to attend after marriage, open. Reason being that I wanted us to attend four different denominations we highlighted, then decide which one best suit our family based on some factors we agreed on.
Fast forward to a week after our wedding, my husband gave me the following announcement:
“Baby, see ehn, that thing we discussed about the church we’ll attend, will not work. I don’t have time to start sampling churches. We’ll attend the branch of my church that is close to our house.”
I looked at him with a mixture of shock and amazement.
Though I’m not a loyalist to any particular denomination, there are certain things I consider before I make any local assembly my spiritual home. In fact, when I was Single, the denomination a guy attends is one of the things I used to determine if I could consider him as a potential spouse. This is because I believe a couple should have the same spiritual home and there’s a high tendency that I’ll have to follow my husband to his church after marriage.
The denomination my husband, who was my fiancé at the time, fellowshipped with, is one I am comfortable with as my spiritual home because I believe in the General Overseer and the system with which the pastors for her local assemblies are chosen. It’s actually the family church of some of my siblings and most people in my family have resources (books, CDs, etc.), from the denomination.
However, if I have the choice, I wouldn’t choose it as my personal or family church, due to some personal reasons. I also didn’t want us to automatically adopt the denomination I was attending as a Single as our family church, due to some personal reasons.
My fiancé and I discussed these personal reasons at length before we selected the denominations we would attend in order to choose which would become our family church.
You can now understand my shock and amazement at my husband’s statement just seven days after our wedding.
The above scenario is the reason a lot of people, mostly ladies, find themselves in a religion, denomination, location or doing things they never envisaged doing, after marriage.
Because most men can say things they don’t intend to do, just to fast-track your consent to marry them, and the wedding process.
So, Dear Single, don’t accept in courtship what you cannot tolerate in marriage. After the nuptials are tied, your options become greatly reduced if you prioritize having a godly and successful home.
Before you compromise on anything in courtship or while considering a potential spouse, always ask yourself: “What if this thing remains this way after marriage, can I endure/enjoy it?”
Never marry someone in the hope that he or she will change after marriage, even if they tell you that they will change. Only the Holy Spirit can convict and change anyone – with the person’s consent and commitment to the change.
Back to my experience with my husband…
After expressing my shock in the meekest way possible to my husband, we continued to attend his denomination, the one closest to our house. With time, he saw the sense in one of my personal reasons for not choosing the local assembly, and we have since started attending a different denomination – one of the four we had selected to visit and choose from, and now have it as our family church.
I hope you learn a thing or two from this my short story.
Love and Wisdom