Many years ago, while I was still in primary school, one of my teachers would often say:
“Slow and steady wins the race only when FAST is not steady.” In essence, don’t be slow; you can be fast and steady, and naturally win the race that is already stacked in your favour.
I couldn’t agree more with that reasoning. Today, I apply the same analogy to Proverbs 22:1a, “A good name is more desirable than great riches;” NIV
A good name is only more desirable than great riches if the wealth is ill-gotten. In essence, you can be wealthy and have a good name. They are not mutually exclusive. See our daddy Abraham.
As a Christian lady, should wealth or financial stability be important in the choice of whom you marry?
If you asked me this question five, ten years ago, my answer would have been, “Not really, what is most important is that the person fears God, is visionary and has some living proofs that he can convert his potential to reality.”
If you ask me that same question today, my answer would be, “Yes, very important.”
Not because a lady should use marriage as a poverty alleviation scheme, but because you need to understand that there is a mindset and belief system that indoctrinated us into believing that poverty and lack are synonymous to righteousness and holiness.
And we need to eschew that mindset because Ishmael is not wealthier than Isaac. The reverse is the case.
As a Christian, you must understand that God is a wealthy King and Father who delights in giving His precious daughters to His wealthy sons. Until you understand and accept this, you’ll not consider yourself as a Princess worthy of being married into Royalty.
Let’s look at some Biblical examples of how some families strategically married their daughters into wealth.
1. Rebecca and Isaac: Isaac is my favourite example of a godly, wealthy man.
Isaac wasn’t just the son of promise, his father, our highly revered Father Abraham, was stupendously rich. So rich that when his servant Eleazar travelled to his hometown to find a godly wife for Isaac, he went with abundant evidences of Abraham’s wealth, enough to convince Rebecca and her family to let her go with him.
This makes me realize that most people who complain that their children are marrying someone from a different tribe, often do so if the family the child is marrying into is not affluent enough. Money erases the barrier of distance because once funds are available, one can easily afford the highest means of transportation to go and see their loved one in a distant land whenever the need arises.
Three highlights I really love from the character called Isaac are:
a. Isaac was born into wealth but he wasn’t a spoilt kid. He knew God personally and served Him faithfully. He was so devoted to his personal fellowship with God that when Eleazar returned with Rebecca, they found him in the field – praying.
b. Second, Isaac was so deep in his consecration to God that he was the only one among Abraham, Isaac and Jacob who when his beloved wife was barren, didn’t resort to sleeping with his maid to seir a son. Rather, he entreated God for his wife until she bore a son – twin boys actually, twenty years after their marriage.
c. Third, Isaac was diligent. Being born into wealth didn’t make him lazy or entitled. Yes, his father had enough wealth and servants to last him for a lifetime and more, but he stayed hardworking to ensure that the generations after him didn’t have to suffer.
This is why when there was famine in the land, he didn’t relax; he considered relocating to a land with greener pastures but on hearing God’s instruction to stay back in that land with famine, he sowed in that land – and he reaped a hundred folds!
Being godly is not an excuse for indolence or poverty, which is a sad trend I see in some so-called Christian gents who claim to be living a life sold out to Christ.
Bro, after you fast and pray, go out and sow, so that God will see what to bless.
2. Leah, Rachel and Jacob: I believe you know that Jacob is Isaac’s son, so it’s no surprise that his uncle, Laban, was willing to giveaway his two precious daughters to this one man.
If you’ve studied the character of Laban, you’d know he was a calculative man who loved money and more money. So, his decision to marry off his two daughters to Jacob, while denying him his wages, was well informed – he knew that Jacob’s father, Isaac, could bankroll him.
He also knew that Jacob was godly, and would do right by his daughters. His decision to let Jacob serve him for the girls in the name of dowry was because he was benefitting maximally from that arrangement – God’s blessing on his businesses and more free hands in his business (Jacob’s sons).
Laban certainly was strategic in marrying off his daughters into a family that would count for generations to come.
3. Ruth and Boaz: This is another intriguing story of how a godly lady was strategically married into wealth by her mother-in-law, Naomi. I won’t go into further details on this one, just dedicate some time to read the book of Ruth afresh with open eyes and ask the Holy Spirit to interpret it to you.
I particularly love how this story played out in the favour of all of God’s children: Ruth, Naomi and Boaz.
4. Esther and King Xerxes: Esther was a Jew, a Christian, so tell, what business did her Christian uncle, Mordecai, have with training and priming her to get married to a pagan King?
Think.
5. Mary and Joseph the Carpenter: Many preachers ignorantly paint Joseph the Carpenter as poor, but in 2017 when I got a revelational insight into this man Joseph, I stood in awe of God’s intentionality in choosing Jesus’ earthly father, including paying attention to his financial capacity.
First, Mary was chosen to birth Jesus BECAUSE she was betrothed to Joseph, who is from the lineage of David, the lineage predestined for the birthing of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Second, Jesus was born in a manger not because Joseph could not afford an inn for his birth, but because everywhere was booked out by the time they arrived Bethlehem for the census. That’s not to mention that Jesus being born in a manger – a place of humble beginning, was also pre-planned by God.
Third, Joseph was a known brand name for carpentry works in his city and country. So, he was not a learner or a hustler in the carpentry business. He was more of a sought-after brand, possibly one who could only be patronized by the elites.
Fourth, Joseph was so financially stable that when God needed him to relocate his family to Egypt at short notice, he had enough resources to Japa, without delay. You can be sure he didn’t have to go borrowing or sell his property to raise the funds, as that would have made them lose time plus divulge the secret of their relocation plans, which could have hurt the safety of Jesus.
I’ll stop at these examples and give you the room to really ponder on the criticality of wealth – the financial stability of the person you choose to marry AND/OR the financial stability of his family, when making a marital choice.
Marriage without finance can make love go sour. Financial constraint in Christian homes is one chief reason some families have denounced Christ, compromised their faith or brought disrepute to the name of God.
In retrospect, I now understand why many wealthy families around the world, from the Bible days, are intentional about marrying their kids into families with a similar or higher social class. The first reason is mindset about money. This is why someone from a lower economic class who is able to pass this test against all odds, is then embraced and absorbed into the family.
So, dear Christian lady, when making a marital choice, think beyond emotions. Think beyond the present. Question your programming about wealth and marrying into wealth in line with your spiritual convictions.
A marital choice is one of the chief life decisions we get to make. Don’t blow it up with small thinking. Like Esther, your entire country could be dependent on you. But you have to be Queen first, to save them. Knowledge, foresight, godly wisdom and strategic positioning in righteousness should inform your choice of a life partner. More than ever, this is important for two key reasons:
The world where are mothers married struggling godly men no longer exists. In those days, our fathers were proud and committed to providing for their families to the best of their abilities. We can’t say the same for today’s Christian young men.
Second, today’s Christian young men are largely comfortable with and actually feel entitled to marry a woman who is more financially stable and well connected, so they can use her as a pedestal to achieve their own dreams.
Yes, someone would definitely marry such young men, but that cross doesn’t have to be yours to carry, especially if you come from a family that is struggling financially.
NOTE: We’re not destined to marry a sole ‘soul mate’. That means when God highlights a person as the one you should marry, it’s not necessarily that individual, but the type of individual/spirit of person, you should marry. I explained this in detail in my memoir, TURNING 28.
Love and Wisdom,
ChinyereDistinguished
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